Little Me by Patrick Dennis

Author:Patrick Dennis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780307419101
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Published: 2009-02-23T05:00:00+00:00

above: As Anne Boleyn in “Oh Henry!” with Vivienne Vixen and Carstairs Bagley.

As Broadway Rose in “The Broadway Barcarole of 1930” with Helen Highwater as Virginia Creeper.

With Helen Highwater in “Bottle Babies”

above: With Letch Feeley in “Tarzan’s Other Wife.” I played Daphne.

Pixie Portnoy, Letch Feeley and “Yours Truly” in “Sawdust Circe”

above: Magdalena Montezuma, Little Me and Dudley du Pont in “ Viva Tequila!”

Like many persons of Latin extraction (although there is some very legitimate doubt about this), Magdalena had a strong streak of jealousy in her make-up and she certainly took it out on little me! Poor Dudley (our male lead) kept saying that he felt as though he were in No Man’s Land, between two enemy forces.

I, for my part, tried to behave like a professional and a lady. I was always polite with a cheery, personal pleasantry of some sort or another on my lips. I was punctual, helpful and courteous to everyone connected with the film. When Montezuma claims that I tried to undermine her confidence by making remarks about her costumes and make-up (and I know that she does so to this day), it is simply the work of a sick, warped mind trying to twist a kindly, constructive criticism into a deadly insult. The truth behind these stories is simply that, as the producer’s wife, I wanted everything to be perfect and if a certain dress made Magdalena look thick in the middle (she has a tendency toward plumpness, if not downright obesity), if her make-up looked matronly during the daylight sequences (when she was supposed to be a girl of twenty), I said so to be helpful and in the interests of having a first-class production. Her famous story about my having “stripped her naked” right on the “set” is also a gross exaggeration. What actually happened is that Montezuma arrived late on the “set” (quite “hung over,” if the truth were told, although it is not generally known that she drinks to excess) with a long thread hanging from her costume. After saying “Good afternoon, Magdalena” (I was being jocular and good-natured, as it was nearly eleven in the morning and we had been called for eight o’clock!), I remarked that she looked tired and that her extra sleep hadn’t helped enormously. All of this, of course, she greeted with her typical sneer. Then I noticed this loose thread and said, “Wait a minute, darling, I don’t want you to ruin still another scene.” I pulled at the thread and the next thing I knew, her whole costume simply disintegrated and she was standing only in her shoes!! But I can hardly be blamed if “Señorita” Montezuma was so unfastidious as not even to wear undergarments when she was on camera. In fact, I even said that her costumes would fit far better if she wore a really firm foundation. Montezuma was livid. She stormed off to her rickety old dressing room in hysterics and work had to be suspended for the day.

After that she was insupportable.

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